I know women who have lost children. I know women who are currently trying to navigate through really difficult situations with their children. For instance, just last night as I was scrolling through my feed, I came across a video of a young kid getting jumped by several other kids that I can’t seem to shake. Maybe it’s because it made me think back to my early teenage years or maybe it’s because as a mother I can’t imagine having to navigate such heartbreaking situations. I see these children and I see my own in their stories. I feel my own heart breaking when I hear the stories of mothers who would give anything to have their child whole, happy, and safe once again.
In some ways, part of me feels guilty when I am privy to the suffering of others who share the role of motherhood. Inside, I question, “Am I really embracing every single moment I can with my daughter or am I killing time with distractions?” Sometimes, I feel, the responsibilities of life want to rob us of what is truly important… work, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and other menial tasks need to get done after all, but do they really? Do they really need to get done so badly that we miss prime opportunities for bonding and love? Could we be patient enough to allow our children to be part of the process, teaching them while also “getting things done?” The “perfectionist” in me is constantly battling this… as allowing help often means that things don’t get done “right” and it takes a lot for me to zip it when things are done “half-way.” It’s practice and part of my work on this trip.
Often, I find myself hurrying through the house to put everything in its place while my daughter plays alone in her room or watches a movie. I find myself using the “things I need to do” almost as an out to gain some “me-time” or some “quiet-time” away from the constant stimulation that engaging with another requires. Even when I know that if I could not hear her asking me questions or chattering incessantly ever again, I would beg and kill for just more time, I catch myself doing this. It’s the old saying, “You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone,” and while I wish nobody had to endure the pain of having what they’ve got taken from them, it serves as a reminder for me to pay attention and I am grateful that their stories consistently wake me up to how I am living, how I am parenting, what I am choosing. If you’ve suffered, trust it’s not in vein… I promise I see you and am doing my best to make good from your story.
The stories of bullying and violence that I see circulating scare me. While I try to live my life according to spiritual law and teach my daughter to do so, I am not naïve enough to believe that everyone is raised the same way. How would I handle it if my daughter was beaten by several kids right before my eyes as I watched on screen? What would I do? Would I follow Jesus then and advise her to “turn the other cheek” and choose to love her attackers? Would I seek vengeance and punishment for the offenders? Would I uproot our lives and move to a different school to get her out of the toxic situation? Would I enroll her in self-defense and teach her to fight back? There are so many angles to consider and while I wish to help the mom who is struggling with this right now, I am not entirely sure how since I honestly don’t know what I would do if it were me. My heart breaks for her. I’m appalled, confused, and disgusted and this is not even my child.
At the same time, I’m grateful. I’m grateful that my daughter is not yet at the age where kids are nasty to one another. Yet, I know that at certain ages, all kids go through an identity crisis and become pretty tough on each other because they are being so tough on themselves. I went through it… and I know many others have. I remember walking home from school worrying about getting into a fight because certain girls didn’t like me in junior high. I remember thinking I had to carry a pocket knife that I bought at a corner store everywhere with me… just in case. I remember fearing for my own safety when I was 13/14 years old growing up in a city that had poverty, not only in a material sense, but in a spiritual and mental sense as well. I’m grateful that I’m at a place now where all of the muck from my past has been transformed to serve my evolution.
Stories like this often make me wonder what can be done to heal the world… to give children a better start than what many of them are given. It fans the flames that burn within my heart to do something with my life that spreads more love, joy, and peace in this world of ours. These stories drive me in my work to discover how to cultivate an internal environment for more people that flows over into their children. I strongly believe that the external world always reflects the internal state of humanity. My goal is to teach people how to feel so good and love themselves so well that it’s impossible for anyone to think about committing “evil.” I’m a firm believer that evil is made and not innate. I hear stories of victims and I wonder what caused the perpetrator to turn so sour and hate themselves so much that they could do the kinds of damage they’ve done. Everyone has a story and often I wish I could be privy to all the stories in the universe…. in some ways I am, we all are when we practice empathy and compassion.
Have you dealt with bullying as a parent? Do you believe that this world can be transformed? If so, how do you propose we make it better for our children and future generations? If not, why not?
If you need help turning lemons into lemonade or just an ear to truly hear you…. I offer personal coaching and yoga sessions.