My fiancé is in the process of gutting and rebuilding an old decrepit home for us to move into. As he goes through the process of removing layers and building new ones, I can’t help but to realize how similar homes are to living and breathing organisms. So often we don’t think about everything that goes into a home to make it functional. I know I certainly don’t. Working with him has enlightened me to see the inner workings of the home and have a greater appreciation for it.
When we spend time at this house in order to make major decisions in terms of layout and design, I find myself getting a little overwhelmed and discouraged because a lot of the ideas I want to implement are shot down because we have to think about other things, like where the plumbing is going to go if we have the bathroom upstairs on one side of the house versus another or where the heating vents are going to be routed. Ideas to remove walls are shot down because of the fact that the load from the upstairs has to be carried down to the basement somehow or large expensive beams need to be put in to support the weight. My brain is only thinking of functionality and design, but is not considering the amount of work, time, logistics, and cost that goes into the changes I suggest. To be honest, I’ve never really given these things much thought until now.
This process is making me see that my fiancé and others in the construction industry are kind of like surgeons. They take broken down structures/bodies and revive them to their fully functional status, which often requires new parts. Like our own bodies, homes also must have strong bones and methods to rid itself of waste, allow oxygen and air to flow freely throughout, means of insulating itself and cooling itself, and must be lit from within. As we talk of the plans to overhaul this house and give it new life, I can almost feel the house being excited for what’s to come, while at the same time grieving the state it is currently in. At this moment, it’s torn apart with some new bones exposed… naked in all of it’s rawness. When I’m there I can feel the sadness of the home at the way it’s been left sitting desolate and unloved for so long.
It reminds me of how our own spiritual awakening process goes. Often we awaken to realize that we’re raw, wounded, and naked which is a fairly scary place to be in, but in that we also feel hope for what’s to come having seen ourselves in a new way for the first time. When we see how disheveled we are and how we’ve failed at loving ourselves, is when we realize the work that needs to be done. When we take baby steps in our own renovation, we start to see the beauty manifest. So it is with this project that my fiancé and I are working together on. He’s doing the physical stuff and I’m assisting with decision making and design.
In taking a major role in the design of this house, everything from layout, to cabinets, to hardware, it compares to all of the decisions, both big and small, that we make daily in our own lives that bring us to the manifestation of who we are in this moment. One decision may not feel like it makes a difference, but as you start to see all of the decisions culminate together in the end result, you realize if one decision had been different, the look and feel of the space would not be what it is. So it is with our lives. All of our decisions have mattered and will continue to matter until we are no longer here. When making a single decision, we have to think about whether it is in alignment with the vision we have for ourselves. Likewise, if I’ve decided I want a modern design, I cannot start adding country décor even if I may be in the mood for country décor in that moment. Or, I could, but then the vision would not culminate into a cohesive modern look and therefore my initial vision would not be achieved. I’m attempting to draw the correlation between beautiful interior design and a beautiful life.
So many of us either fail to have a solid vision or have a vision, but then make decisions that are contrary to that vision and therefore never really get where we are going. Or, we have a vision, but we fail to achieve that vision because we make momentary decisions in the form of our thought systems and actions that are contrary to that vision. We fail to build the healthy and beautiful lives we desire because we fail to focus and align ourselves with what it is that we want. To get what you want, you have to first know what you want. Then you have to sacrifice other things that are not in alignment with what it is you want. It isn’t rocket science. You can’t move in two directions at once, but as humans so many of us spiral around in multiple directions never really committing to a direction and floundering around at sea because we can’t decide what shore we want to sail toward and then we end up left with a feeling that is similar to drowning. So much energy is lost in flailing around that we are left exhausted and barely able to float, having gotten nowhere and accomplished nothing.
To put it in perspective, the house that is finally being worked on has been sitting for quite some time without any progress. The reasons why seem to be excuses… lack of time, lack of energy, lack of money, etc. I can’t really dispute this with my fiancé because I realize that in my own life, I’ve often put off projects and changes that seem overwhelming because of my own lack of belief in myself. I’ve been asleep at the wheel a lot of my life. I’ve worked for someone else, rowing in the direction of their vision, which most times did not resonate with what I felt was important. This was because, at that point in my life, I hadn’t stopped long enough to consider what was important to me and how I wanted my life to be spent. I didn’t have a vision of my own, and you know the saying, “If you don’t have big dreams, you’ll end up working for someone that does.”
I’m not judging working for someone else because there must be cooperation among people to bring most things to life, but I’ve always known it wasn’t for me… at least not forever. As I work with my fiancé on this project, I’m beginning to see the possibilities open up. It takes me back to the many hours spent watching HGTV in my younger years daydreaming and envisioning myself working with my partner to flip houses. It takes me to the many times I’ve watched “Property Brothers,” “Flipping Out,” “Divine Design,” Chip and Joanna, etc. and invites me to see that this is us right now in this moment. Although, at this moment we are not flipping properties for resale as a business, I’m seeing this as a trial run to see how well we work together in this effort. I’m seeing this as a doorway into the life that I once dreamed of, but never went after. I’m seeing my life culminating in a way that I often just thought was a faraway dream and it is truly miraculous.
Seeing my fiancé working on this project is also reminding me of the music video with Jaheim, “Anything” music video where he surprises his girlfriend with a house that he built with his own 2 hands and has the dog run out with a ring on his collar and proposes at the end. In this moment, though already engaged, I feel like my happy ending/beginning is taking root. The energy that I spent watching and daydreaming is culminating in my reality. Now it is up to me to carpe diem as I believe that is truly the only way to say “Thank you” to a God who needs nothing because He is and has everything.
If we don’t slow down every so often to look around and see what the universe is doing for us, we will completely miss it and maybe even complain about it when it does start coming into fruition. This brings to mind the Israelites when they were freed from Egypt. They’d longed for their freedom, but then when freed and on the journey through the wilderness they couldn’t stop to appreciate the very freedom they’d once dreamed of because of the fears they encountered in facing the unknown. Despite seeing miracle after miracle, they just couldn’t trust, be grateful, and believe in the goodness that was before them. They couldn’t see it because the lack of trust in the process clouded their view. Our lives are the same way, the more we spend time focusing on all of the things that could go wrong, the less focused we are on how they are right. The more time we spend complaining about things that haven’t happened, the less likely we are to see those things come to fruition. The more time we focus on what has gone wrong, the more apt we are to miss all of the small things that have been setting the course of our life to bring us to where we dream of.
Despite the universe’s desire to move us in the direction of our dreams, only so much can be done with one paddle rowing. Think of yourself as a vessel (a row boat). You hold the paddle on the left. God holds the paddle on the right (since God’s way is always right). God is constantly rowing to attempt to bring you to the place you belong in life. Your own personal idea of heaven. However, you refuse to pick up the paddle and row in that direction… instead you sit in the boat full of fear that you are going to capsize as the boat spins in circles (because only God is rowing). As the spinning continues, some of you start feeling so sick that you jump out of the boat and attempt to swim to shore on your own, not realizing that you had a perfectly good paddle and a perfectly good partner hanging out in the boat with you, which would take you to where you wanted/needed to go. Others, hunker down and start praying to God… begging God to relieve them from the situation of the spinning boat. Meanwhile, God is sitting in the boat like, “I’m trying to get you there, but you won’t even freaking try to paddle!” (God wouldn’t say “freaking” that is me)
So often, the dreams you’ve had have been given so much space that they almost vanish. Then when they’ve almost vanished or have been given up on, they are resurrected. It seems we have to realize how sick we are getting in the spinning boat before we decide to sincerely ask God for direction. It is then, that God informs us there is another paddle, and instructs us on how to pick it up and begin rowing. God will never force you to paddle, but patiently rows, waiting for you to turn around, acknowledge His presence, pick up your paddle and start rowing. The universe/God is always speaking, but we must be still and aware enough to see, feel, and hear it.
What dreams have you seen come true in your own life? Tell me about how they came to fruition.