I just finished reading “Wayne Dyer’s book, “Your Erroneous Zones” and overall I’d say it was an amazing book that has the ability to help it’s readers become more inner centered rather than outer oriented. As I was reading some parts, especially the chapter on dependency, I could see how some of the information could be taken out of context. We don’t exist in silos and the purpose of life is not to be so focused on directing your emotions from the inside out that you don’t allow anything from the outer environment to touch you emotionally. It’s a delicate balance.
For the most part, I’m finding blessings in moving from reactivity “caused by” the outside world to being inner directed, though I’m wondering if one is successful in becoming completely inner directed, would they wall themselves off in some ways from others. I suppose the point is more to have control over your emotions so that you are not reactively triggered into negativity without the realization that you have a choice in the matter. The book was really great at detailing how every emotion is in fact a choice because every emotion is birthed from a thought. With practice you gain dominion over the thoughts that cause the negative emotions and you set yourself free from the prison of negativity that you may be encapsulating yourself in. There is something you can do about how you feel. It is not just who you are! I want everyone to know this!
There are many ways to work for progress in this area. As I’ve mentioned in some of my other posts, the first thing I did in a moment of breakdown was invite God back into my life. I didn’t necessarily know what the outcome would be in that moment, but I knew I needed help and turned to prayer as I was being attacked by every mental demon known to man. I was at my own personal bottom. After giving up control of my life to God in that moment and fully surrendering, I felt inspired to start listening to more positive music. I put on K-Love radio in my car and started a playlist of all of the songs on that station that I liked within my Spotify account. God began speaking deeply into me through the music, situations that later presented themselves, books, synchronicities, and a new found awareness of my mental state. I believe I was joined by the Holy Spirit in that moment and have been growing in my ability to hear and understand from that moment forward. It isn’t an instantaneous miracle when you surrender, but the path starts to become clearer and as long as you do the next spirit led action, the next is revealed, and so on and forth. I call these revelations my “God crumbs” and I take the role of Hansel and Gretel finding my way back home out of the wilderness by following each one as best as I know how in each moment.
After my surrender, I was invited to church by my cousin who had only been to church once the week before. I firmly believe that this was divinely guided. I had just come back from the dead (so to speak) and God was taking the step to make sure that I had healthy resources and support on this new journey of mine. I still attend this church weekly on Sunday. It helps to join a supportive environment full of others who have faith in miracles and embrace a positive way of being when you are seeking to transform your life. A miracle is any moment that you choose love and a real church provides love to all who enter since it is the very ingredient we all need to grow.
The next thing I found was meditation. Because my mind was such a mess and I was determined to spend more time with God, I began sitting in meditation for about 30 minutes to an hour each night. I would do guided meditations on YouTube and allow myself to focus on my breath. Over time I switched over to meditation music (gong baths, high frequency music, etc) and incorporated positive mantras and prayer into my meditation time. It was my alone time where I focused on filling my mind and being with love, faith, peace, and trust. If I saw a negative thought creep in, I would witness it and quickly let it go.
I’d mentioned getting back to working out to my fiancé who then surprised me that Mother’s Day with a gift certificate for classes at a yoga studio by our house. I’d mentioned that I wanted to try yoga because I felt it was more spiritual than just a gym membership and I was really focused on strengthening my relationship with God. I saw what I could do without Him, and I also saw the encouraging change of events within the short time that I had yielded my life to Him. In one way, I felt afraid of falling back and living life without Him. I felt afraid of being abandoned (one of my many historical fears). In another way, I was in a new relationship and felt myself falling in love. You know the phase where you want to be with a person all the time because you are so smitten with them. This is how I felt about Jesus (and still feel).
I started yoga about 5 months into my spiritual journey and it has blessed my life. I also feel this was the divine guiding me to another resource that would help me progress more quickly and heal me from the inside out. In yoga, I found a place to intentionally bring out the reactivity and bear witness to it. Yoga is full of challenging postures and breath work. Some of which will have you cursing the moment they are called as a beginner. I found a community of people who practice lessening their own reactivity together. I found spiritual teachers who focus on finding comfort in simply being, allowing, and opening to each and every moment. Yoga has been amazingly helpful in my journey and I wish everyone could find the beauty in this beautiful practice that not only strengthens your body, but your mind and spirit.
Lastly, within this period, I also started seeing a therapist. I had been to therapy a few years prior, but I either wasn’t ready to do the work at that time or I had a therapist who wasn’t as skilled as the one that I began seeing at this point in my life. I was never a big proponent of therapy because I always felt that I was the only one who could “fix” me. This is truth, but often we need an objective party to help us see what we cannot. Word to the wise, make sure your therapist is experienced because it really does make a difference. A good therapist, spiritual counselor, coach etc. focuses on holding space for you. This means that they believe in the good in you and see the sacred treasures within your story that you can’t quite see for yourself just yet. A good therapist serves as the light when you are in a dark place. They don’t lead the process, but simply allow it to happen while they are present and serve as a guide lovingly lighting up your blind-spots so you can slowly begin to transition into higher ways of thinking. It takes life experience and practice to hold this role in someone’s life.
While I believe my journey was initiated and led by God, I also had to submit and allow each step to unfold. I had to commit to doing the work and invest in my own healing. It’s like the story of Jesus, “Jesus Heals a Paralyzed Man” in Mark 2:2-12. Most times, God aligns the resources and presents us with what we need to do and it’s up to you to, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and go home!” Home in this case is not a physical home, but our rightful place in the Kingdom of God… back to our natural place of joy, curiosity, innocence, and wonder that we all had before the world broke us with social programming and injustice. This phrase calls to me because I not only picked up my proverbial “mat,” but also my yoga mat and began literally working out my salvation regularly in that manner.
In closing, I ask, are you ready to stand up, pick up your mat, and go home…. back to love for every moment of your life, yourself, and others ?