I’ve adapted my mindset to look at life as my greatest teacher and as we go through one of the most interesting times in our lifetime I have been keeping my eyes peeled for lessons. Lately I’ve been pondering self-preservation. Despite my desire to keep calm and relax, I find myself clinging to the idea of “survival.” We did our shopping and then as I read the fear-based articles about the economy crashing, military lock downs, curfews, etc. I found myself questioning whether I’d bought enough. My mind started wandering to what exactly the “right” amount of food was to feel “safe.” It’s an interesting time to be the witness to my mind as the pendulum swings back and forth between, “It’s all in God’s hands and I’m good.” to “What if we go into famine as a result of people bulk buying and I am left a weak lamb in a den of lions because I didn’t plan appropriately?”
I know I’m not alone in this swing of the pendulum. In uncertainty, stress is sure to rear it’s ugly head. We always live in tension, but we are not always as supremely aware of it as in times of crisis. As I ended my evening asana practice, I burst into tears this evening. We are in uncharted territory as a global unit right now and nobody has the answers. The information comes in all directions and it isn’t like it used to be where we all watched similar news stations, read similar news papers and had a general trust for what was being communicated to us by leadership. This is the information age where many are skeptical, some are trusting, and others are confused. Conspiracy theories abound and there is temptation. The world is shaking right now… there is fear.
As I lay on my mat, I realized what it means to “die to self.” I struggled with this statement of Jesus for some time and I think I understand now. To die to self means to let the fear of death go knowing that we are part of the energy that manifests into everything and everyone we see. To die to self means to accept change and transformation knowing that the physical form is temporary, but I am eternal. The past few nights, I’ve been watching documentaries about the ocean with my daughter and its very evident that we are, but a small part of a vast universe.
We live among so much life in different shapes and forms. We are different, yet so similar. What shall I fear, if my body dies and the energy that makes me “me” manifests into another form to experience life. If I lose the fear of losing this form… if I lose all attachment to the body I am currently inhabiting… if I loosen a grip on the forms that surround me… I am free of all fear. If I accept that they too are eternal, they too are endless energy that never ends manifesting in many forms, there is nothing to be fearful of… the one masking as the many.
While the world may be shaking and I am tempted to cling, it is a good time to see my ego for what it is. The “me” that clings to the known, the “me” that clings to form, the “me” that fears death and change is terrified. Yet, the deeper “me” is safe knowing nothing can destroy me, anyone, or anything I love. We are all very much safe. Threats are not real. We are the endless, boundless energy that creates worlds. These days we’re experiencing “social distancing” where people are afraid to be close to one another and then I look at Jesus and see his example… spending time with the ill, the lepers, the destitute without fear that he might “catch” something or “spread” something. Jesus knew the illusion was the world of form. Jesus knew that there was nothing to “catch” and nothing to “spread.” Jesus knew in going to the cross, he wasn’t losing anything, but the illusion of form. Being fully human, he also struggled with his ego as the time drew nearer. He struggled with the part of him that believed he was his body and he kept his mind focused on the truth, which allowed him to do what he did and set the example for the rest of us.
Now is a great time. It’s a great time to loosen your grip on ego. It’s a great time to realize there is nothing to fear. It’s a great time to be here… to awaken… to feel who you really are. While the ego wants to panic and hoard and preserve itself, the soul sits back in it’s easy chair with her head back and a cigar laughing at the foolishness of it all. “Do you really think that any of this will “save” you?,” she asks. As the ego looks up and frantically grasps for anything that will secure its future, she then says, “Nothing will save you because you’ve already lost… you’ve forgotten who you are!”