Riding the edge… so often we hear that in yoga classes, “Find your edge,” the instructor would call out. It’s that point of discomfort where it feels like just enough… how far can you go until the sensation becomes a little “too much?” Where is that line where discomfort and comfort meet? Can you straddle the two and find peace in allowing both to exist simultaneously? I feel that I’m riding the edge of my life right now. Looking down, I realize I risk injury if one wrong move is made, but also see the potential for expansion… the expansion of who I am as a person, expansion of worldview and perspective. Freedom that comes with a blank sheet of paper to create whatever it is that calls to spirit at that moment and discover new aspects of life.
The thing with the edge is, if you stretch too far and push your body beyond where it is ready to go too quickly, you often end up with an injury. If you don’t push enough, you remain stagnant, never progressing in your strength or flexibility as a person. You end up in stagnation where practice becomes boring, monotonous, and often less enjoyable to the point where you eventually stop the practice because the reward ceases to be there. Straddling the edge is a practice in and of itself… it’s one of balance… of curiosity… opening to new possibilities and increased freedom within the body and within life.
The edge is where all new discovery and growth happens, but can also be where things die. Sometimes we realize that all the pushing against the discomfort is not going to allow our bodies to move into the posture as effortlessly as we desire. Sometimes we realize that our anatomy, the way we are made, doesn’t support that shape and we must find an alternative that suits us so that we can find a level of ease within the posture, allowing the self-imposed pressure to die so that we can find peace. So too with life… there are some dreams that must be buried so that the authenticity of your purpose can find its way through you. This is counter to the western philosophy of exertion and force that touts, “anything you want you can have if you just ‘work hard enough’.” I am a firm believer in a quote from my favorite movie, “Sometimes when you lose, you win.” In death, there is often rebirth. It’s evident in the seasonal and natural cycles…
I’ve found that the paradox of life is such that there is a center… and polarities are always equidistant from that center. The ability to feel extreme joy is paralleled by the ability to feel that same level of sadness or despair. It’s a blessing and a curse, but by expanding our ability to feel, we become more intimate with life…. seeing and knowing it for all that it is. The more risk of injury, often the greater the reward… it’s always the challenging postures that we fall out of again and again and again that reap the greatest reward when we finally achieve it and even then, there are all the nuanced tweaks we make once we’ve “figured it out.” Forever adjusting, rebalancing, recalibrating to where we are in space or in life in each moment.
It’s forever a game of deciding, how do I need to adjust to rebalance myself at this moment? What is it I need? Do I need to exit the posture? Do I need to readjust or find support and stay? What do I need to confront? What do I need to own? How can I make sense of what is presented to me in my body? How do I find more love and acceptance for where I am and what I feel? Letting it all in and then feeling into it to make a sound determination from a place of clarity that serves you.
If we’re practicing yoga asana with the full intention of self-discovery, we learn so much about ourselves and reassess our lives on our mat. We gain sensitivity and awareness into areas of our lives that we formerly may have neglected or disowned. We gain the ability to sense more deeply into what feels right to us and what does not. We feel into the areas that are weakened or tight within our bodies and so too within our lives. Where are we hanging on too tightly, clenching… where are we not exerting enough force or energy? What is the correct balance between the two? Do I need to let go or do I need to exert more force? When is it wiser to do one versus the other? How can I accommodate both opposing forces within this posture for more integrity?
Yoga is not for those who want to remain blindfolded and disengaged from life. It invites us to a deeper knowing, a deeper intimacy, a deeper understanding. It invites us to learn compassion for ourselves as we experience the messiness of getting into a posture for the first time or realizing a posture you’ve done 1,000 times has never quite “felt right” when you finally adjust and feel what is “right.” It invites us to explore the same in new ways each time… how does this Warrior I feel today? Is this practice what I need at this moment or do I need something a bit more restorative? How do I nurture myself today? Am I in a season where I have the energy to do the “deeply active work” (yang) or do I just need some stillness to reset (yin)?
Yoga is life… it’s not just part of my life, it is my life. It is a way of learning who you are through direct experience of the body. It’s a way of directly feeling the energy of life within your veins, within your breath, within your beating heart. It’s a way of reassessing the creation you’ve lived and determining whether adjustments are needed. It is art… art is life… they are one and the same.