When I first started going to church in December, my pastor always made comments about a war happening between God and Satan and admittedly at first, I was a bit dim to what he was saying. I had just recently been awakened to the fact that I was “sick” and needed healing. I use the term “sick” to mean, someone who has not yet awoken to the fact that they are living in a way that was never intended for them. I use the term “sick” to identify someone who doesn’t yet know that they are sleepwalking through life without any real path or direction. I use the term “sick” to identify people who are still caught up in their own selfishness and don’t yet realize that every action and every word has a large impact on those around them and the world at large. I use the term “sick” to identify those that are numbing themselves to life through the use of substances, people, electronics, food, etc. I use the term “sick” to identify those that have created their own living hell and haven’t fully admitted that their current life situation is a creation of their own making. I use the term “sick” to describe anyone living below their fully inspired potential. I use the term “sick” to describe anyone who is not actively embracing each moment fully. I use the term “sick” to describe anyone who is living in mediocrity and complacency, forgetting half of themselves.  I believe that everyone is sick in some way until something shakes them into the realization of their emptiness or dysfunction.

A year later, I am armed for battle actively seeing when I am “under attack.” What does it mean to be under attack? Sometimes it means self-defeating thought systems cropping up… the “I can’ts” Sometimes it means, old belief systems that are no longer serving you running the show. For example, I’ve been working through pride lately and so I am hyper aware right now of situations where my tendency to act out of pride takes over. This morning, for instance, a colleague of mine sent me a text message on my day off about one of my clients blowing up about something. My initial tendency was to respond in a way that would have been out of the desire to “prove myself” or in other words, as mentioned in another post… “PRove I DEserve.” My initial tendency was to get mad and irritated that I can’t take a day off without someone needing me for something. However, in that moment, I realized I was “under attack” and instead chose to maintain my boundaries with regard to not working on my days off. I chose to hit the mute button on the text and not respond and contribute negatively operating under the realization that I do not have to constantly prove my worth or prove I did the right thing. Sometimes silence is golden.

Having spent time in church and therapy, I’m actively watching my actions and where they stem from in moments where I am prone to start playing on the “wrong team.” In moments where I feel my anger rising, or moments where I am feeling a bit off, I tune in and choose to fight on the “good team.” I have been actively practicing my freedom of choice and making the choice to not to react immediately and allow myself to be swallowed up by the way of the world. I’ve been practicing my awareness and working each day to act with loving intent in all that happens. Some days I succeed, while other days I don’t. A year into this practice, I see a marked difference. Prior to my awakening, I did not have any witnessing presence within me, or awareness. I was not a self-aware person. I would lose my temper and then blame something or someone for setting me off. I would act out of self-interest and not think about the consequences. I was very “worldly” in my ways.

Lately, I’ve truly gained some insight into what Jesus meant when he said,