Addiction is insidious. It creeps in without being seen and takes hold of one’s mind under the guise of normalcy. It pretends that it belongs there because, “other people do it,” “it’s no big deal”, “it isn’t really affecting my life.” Yet, when we attempt to stop, we realize how big of a hold it actually has on us. Today I left my cell phone at church and didn’t realize until I’d driven 30 minutes out of the way on my way home. Initially, I felt really frustrated and went into panic mode, which threatened to ruin the rest of the day with my family. Gratefully, I got myself under control rather quickly and decided to control what I could control. I called and left a voicemail for them and also sent a few messages on Facebook using my fiance’s phone. It’s been about 4 hours and I’ve received no call back from anyone there in response to the messages I’d left concerning my error.
It feels incredibly vulnerable. I’m realizing how much courage my cell phone affords me in my daily life. There is security in knowing that if I’m out and run into trouble, I can call someone. If I need to talk, there is someone at the touch of a button. It makes me wonder what I ever did before cell phones existed. At the same time, it is slightly freeing knowing that I can’t waste valuable moments that I could be spending with my family or doing something productive by mindlessly checking my phone. This involuntary experiment is making me realize how often the urge to look at my phone strikes and makes me question whether cell phone usage isn’t just another addiction currently being used by many to avoid life.
Is it a supplement or is it a detriment to life? I’m inclined to believe that any time I find myself feeling like I “need” something, I’m in dangerous territory. When is the last time you willingly left your house without your cell phone? We treat it like an appendage as though it is part of our being. I didn’t consider myself addicted to my phone, but not having it and witnessing how often my fiancé spends staring at his is really enlightening. In yoga, the term svadhyaya requires that we constantly engage in self-study, which is part of all spiritual practices and why Rumi states, “Know thyself.” In order to avoid feeling frustrated and upset about this whole mishap, I’ve declared that I will seek the good in the situation while having faith that my phone will find it’s way back to me through one of the individuals at church.
If we allow it, anything that is irritating, can also be an opportunity for blessing. We just have to choose it. I’m using this time to read my “Teaching yoga” book, play a game with my daughter, and pick up on my writing, which I’ve sadly been neglecting for the past month. I blame the business of Christmas, though really, I’ve just been finding myself slightly out of the flow lately while trying to learn all I can about yoga. I’ll be writing about my yoga teacher training experience soon. Stay tuned. Granted, I haven’t left the house without my phone at this point, I’m doing ok without it. However, I’m noticing my excitement each time my fiancé’s phone makes a notification sound. My hope that it’s someone calling me to arrange the pick up of my phone is great and the let down when it’s something else pinging him for his attention is real.
This makes me want to create a social experiment to see how long people can go without their phones and have them document their experience. I think it’d be interesting given the slight anxiety I’m feeling. I imagine it would be more difficult for those younger than me. After all, I wouldn’t consider myself a social media influencer or anything. I’m not addicted to “likes” and I would probably rate myself an “average” user in terms of the amount of time I spend looking at my phone, which brought me to the internet to research what exactly the “average” was. I stumbled upon this article which details how cell phone usage is actually stealing years out of our lives and we’re all guilty of allowing it. This article reminds me that there is danger in believing that the small moments don’t matter. All of the small minutes we spend equate to years of our lives in the long run, which reminds me to spend my time more wisely doing activities that bring me joy or bring joy to others in my life. It makes me want to trim the fat in my life and allow myself more of my life back as this year’s New Year’s Resolution. I’m inspired to become more rigid in who I allow to utilize my time and the activities I choose to engage in during my time in this world.
Today has been a blessing in that it’s been an unwelcome intrusion into my day that has forced me to refocus my attention in more meaningful directions. It’s offered me the space I needed to consider a habit that I didn’t think I’d had. I’ve been allowed the chance to practice the ability to shift my attention away from something frustrating toward how to create more meaning and joy within my life. Sometimes God likes to interrupt our day by throwing us a curve ball. In this moment, I feel like God removed the cell phone so that he could send me this message and prevent me from wasting any more of my life on that which does not bring value, meaning, and joy. Time to move forward into the new year with more space, clarity, and meaning. The best is yet to come!