This morning, the universe played an interesting joke on me. My daughter’s picture day was today. We had gone out yesterday picking out her outfit and coordinating her perfectly so that she would look perfect for her school photo shoot today. This morning we got her dressed and I put extra effort into her hair to ensure that she looked fabulous complete with a matching bow. I’d given her a kiss goodbye and left the house to head out to work as it happened to be my dreaded in office day. I left for work with a sense of pride that we were ready on time without any fuss since she was excited to get primped for her picture day.
On my commute, I threw on a Joyce Meyer podcast entitled, “Stop Complaining” in hopes of reprogramming my mental state since I was in a funk about having to drive in and had a case of “the Monday’s.” I was about 10 minutes from work, when my podcast was interrupted by a phone call. My fiancé’ was calling. I rolled my eyes, mainly because the car ride is my “zen” time where I can be alone, so any interruption is not welcomed. Then I answered. He started telling me that my daughter had fallen out of the car right into a puddle in her excitement to get out to see her cousin who also goes to her school.
Without hesitation I started going off… “What the —- do you mean? How did she fall out of the car? Didn’t you help her?” I felt my blood pressure rising and the anger steaming into my chest. I got her ready and he knew the care I put into her appearance today, so this just set me off. Then as I started running my mouth, I stopped and realized he was messing with me. I kept saying, “You’re kidding.” He finally admitted it was a joke. This moment was incredibly insightful. As you may know, I’ve been working hard to overcome my reactivity and become more intentional in my responses. Needless to say, I failed this time around. The funny thing about this was that I literally was listening to a podcast about controlling the mouth when this transpired.
This morning, I was again reminded that I’m not quite there yet, but I was proud of myself for taking the pause and realizing the joke was on me before going into complete “attack mode.” A year ago, I would have gotten into name calling and blaming. I would have made a fool of myself and potentially hurt someone else by reacting to the situation with extreme anger and nasty words. Instead, I went off for about a minute or 2 and then reigned it in by remembering to take a pause and began realizing I was being messed with. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to see this situation positively. I would have watched myself react and then berated myself for failing at getting ahead of it. It’s been quite the journey, but I can honestly say I see the changes in me. The biggest one being that I can catch my reactivity, see it without judgment, laugh and even celebrate the awareness I now have in these moments, while knowing that I still have some work to do because the moments are still able to gain control over me at times causing me to be reactive.
I always say that God is has an incredible sense of humor. Often, the messages He sends me make me laugh at the silliness of myself or a given situation. When the clarity strikes and I can see through His eyes, I realize I’m operating in a completely mindless and reactive state. A year ago, there was no witness to my actions. There was no 3rd party residing within my being calling me out on my foolishness and guiding my actions. I am so grateful that I’ve been joined by the Holy Spirit this year and am now able to see my reactivity in action… even though it often makes me cringe. If this confuses you, I can narrow this down further in a future blog post.
Tell me about a time that you overreacted to a joke being played on you. How did you feel when you realized it was a joke? Could you have reacted differently? Share in the comments.