Anger and frustration can ruin the most beautiful of days when you are unwilling to let them go. This morning I felt this way. In case you haven’t read much of my work yet (hope you will…), I am a deep introvert who thrives in quiet spaces and the recesses of my own mind. I can only take so much noise before I start feeling my energy is being stolen from me and I begin to feel drained and resentful. My daughter was chattering incessantly this morning and incredibly clingy, which isn’t unusual for her given that she is an only child and I am her go-to for everything. My battle for personal space is real and sometimes she simply refuses to give it to me, which drives me insane.
The inner script that, “Being a good mom requires that I am attentive to her needs 24/7,” is one that often plays in the background for me. I am conscious that this method of parenting is ingrained in me from my own upbringing where my mother and I were pretty codependent. Society also perpetuates this unhealthy inner dialogue, which doesn’t make it easy to detach from it. Yet, I know I have to live authentically and create my own inner dialogue as part of my spiritual work…. releasing that which I am a product of to make space for that which honors my soul and nourishes my being. I asked for my space several times, but she continued to follow me everywhere I went, chatting incessantly without a breath, requiring me to respond and interact. At a certain point, I felt my state of mind declining. I was becoming short, irritated, and miserable.
I know myself well enough to know that I really needed a change of scenery. My daughter has a history of being quiet on car rides since she was a baby so on days where she is really grating on my nerves (not because she is being bratty or difficult, but for simply being her loud, energetic, and chatty self), I know I need to get out of the house as quickly as possible. So, off we went as quickly as I could manage to get us both ready and out the door.
On top of this, my fiancé was being really silly this morning and he was so upbeat when he got back from his morning workout, not realizing that inside I was on sensory overload wanting to break away into stillness for a time. It was just too much. It is sometimes hard for introverts to be understood because although we love you deeply, we can only tolerate so much constant interaction with you before we feel ourselves start to fade into the darker places where we don’t wish to go. Maybe I am generalizing, but it is certainly how I feel. Although I communicate my needs by asking my daughter to give me some space and telling her to go play for awhile so I can “get ready,” these requests often go unheard in my house until I turn into a frustrated bitch and then everyone looks at me like I am crazy.
This is what it is like to be introverted in an extroverted world. It seems many just don’t understand your need for solitude and quiet. Often, it feels, people’s feelings are hurt and they take it personally when you state that you need space. You are looked at as though something is wrong with you or they fear that they have done something when you need to step back for a bit. This is usually not the case, just that to be the best of yourself you need more “me time” than most… Often, taking this time can trigger guilt, but it is important that you work through the guilt and own what you need to be your best self. You deserve to be the best of yourself and those who love you should want that for you also and try to understand.
Taking what you need requires strong boundaries… something I am learning. It requires you to discover who you are and then consciously create the circumstances and environments that you need in order to thrive. We are unique as human beings in that we are similar to plants… we need to be nourished properly in order to grow, but also serve the role of the caretaker/gardener who is responsible for providing the nourishment. It is up to you to discover what type of “plant” you are and then provide the soil (environment) and the water and sun (nourishment) to ensure your survival and growth. We can uproot ourselves at any time and can actively seek out the nourishment we require. If your conditions are not ideal, it is an opportunity for you to discover what it is you require… what type of plant you are.
We are so blessed in this way! I am grateful that the past several years I have taken the time to learn who I am so that today I could adjust as needed and provide myself the environment I need to thrive. As a result, I had one of the most beautiful days with my family enjoying the warm Autumn weather, clear blue skies, and the beauty of the corn fields at a nearby farm. By honoring what I needed and being willing to let the frustration and anger go (that I wasn’t given what I needed this morning), I was blessed. So often this is the case, when we are willing to do the inner work in every moment, the moment blesses us. It’s as though the divine recognizes the effort and the move toward right action and bestows rewards to keep us moving in the right direction…. to honor us for doing the “work.” The “work” is really not work at all, but the actions necessary to know ourselves in all of our God-given complexity and honor what presents in each moment so that right action can come from it. Right action = rewards.
How well do you know yourself? How well do you honor what you need in each moment? Do you know what type of “plant” you are and what you need to thrive? I’d love to be part of your process and help guide you into self-discovery so that you, too, can reap the rewards of skillful living. I offer individual coaching and yoga sessions.