Funerals have a way of reminding the living what is really important in life. It is an opportunity to see the inevitable destination we all arrive at and causes us to question whether we’re living in a way that we’ll be satisfied with when our own eulogy is spoken as we are laid to rest. I used to hate going to funerals, but having gone to one today for my grandfather’s brother, my great uncle, I found it rather enjoyable. It moved me as one of his daughters spoke about his life even though I didn’t know her father who lie in the casket well and had only met him a handful of times in my life. I was there primarily out of respect and love for my grandfather.
The details of his life were eerily similar to my own grandfather and I realized how similarly flavored the apples of the same tree were. Some details were even eerily similar to my own. For example, she spoke of how when he traveled he was very disciplined about time spent and would make detailed itineraries of where they were going when they arrived and at what time… down to the meal schedule and restaurant choices. Oddly enough I have done the same thing in order to capitalize on time and make the most of my time in a destination.
Related to time was the importance of being punctual. His daughter joked about the fact that us Collet’s are always early. I am not, but my mother and the rest of my family is always early or on time for everything and they have a tendency to stress out when they may run late… especially my mother. Hearing about my great uncle allowed me to see how ingrained this was generationally within the family. My grandfather instilled the same sense of importance around this into his kids.
When she spoke of his love of all things military, history, Red Sox, and the sacrifices he made for his family, I was reminded of my own grandfather who shares the same loves in his life. It was really insightful as to how familiar family is even when they aren’t known very well. It made me think about the meaning of family. I’m convinced that it means familiar… familiar individuals who share similarities that have been passed on from generation to generation and this made me appreciate my own heritage and the concept of generational curses as well as blessings.
When his daughter spoke of the gifts he gave each of them including the love of travel, discipline with finances, and solid family values, I was reminded of the blessings passed down to me. It also made me consider more deeply the generational curses that are never spoken of at funerals. People rarely speak of the painful moments that shaped the person’s life within the eulogy or during the service although I’d love to know more of the turning points within the individual’s life. I’d love to see where they fell short and had to diligently work for growth. I’d love to hear more about the obstacles they had to fight to overcome as that speaks to the strength and character of the person.
Hearing about his marriage to the same woman for 63 years and the fact that they’d died within 6 months of one another also touched me. Something his daughter said really sparked my interest. When her mother had died 6 months ago, she was talking with her father (who now lay in the casket) and he said, “You know I could go at any time now.” She responded by saying, “You can’t do that to us just yet dad. Give us at least 6 months before you move on.” Sure enough, about 6 months later, he left. It was as though subconsciously he knew where he wanted to be and had committed to follow his wife into the next phase. Stories like this are fairly common with couples that have been together for years.
Sometimes, we don’t always appreciate the beauty of a full life, but at the end of life we are able to see a snapshot into another’s full life experience. It’s a sacred moment for sure as we sit around those who knew and loved the person who has arrived at the finish line. It allows us the ability to fast forward to our own funeral where we see those whose lives we’ve touched or failed to impact positively (by their absence on that day). It allows us to consider the words that may be spoken upon our departure. It allows insight that is not normally granted on a daily basis; insight not only into the life of the person who is no longer living, but into our own lives. Every death is an opportunity to look within and fine tune what you may need to work for progress on within your own life. It is a blessing that we receive these gifts along our journey to do a self-review and change course (if needed).
At this time, when you envision your own funeral, what do you see? Are people there reflecting on how you positively impacted or influenced their lives? Is there anyone missing that you wish would have showed up? When you imagine this scene, do you feel good about it or are there changes you may need to make right now, while you still have breath, life, and time? Share, if you feel called, in the comments below or send me a private note. I’d love to hear from you.