3 years ago, my fiancé and I went on a “hard” hike. At the time we didn’t realize the rating of the trail we decided to undertake but took the suggestion of our waiter who was from the area to do a loop trail in NH. We thought it sounded nice, given that we wouldn’t be going up and then coming right back down the same way we’d come and could take in more of the delicious NH natural views. About 1/4 up the trail, I had a mini breakdown, meaning I cried, was out of breath, and worst of all was feeling completely inadequate in my conditioning at the time. I was defeated physically, mentally, and worst of all spiritually. Needless to say, we didn’t give up and after several stops and crying and negative self-talk I finally made it up the mountain only to realize that there were 2 more that still needed to be climbed. There were several curse words that flew out of my mouth. We’d run out of water and had to climb the next 2 peaks after descending the first without water in the middle of the August humidity and heat with no shade or shelter from the trees since we were at the highest possible elevation for the next 2 peaks. I’d sucked it up, having no other option, but to keep moving forward to finish the loop and get back to the car… after all what goes up, must come down.
We made it up and down the second one and then the third, and finally the final peak… only to then have to descend and hike 2 more miles through rough and rocky terrain to get to the hut where we could replenish our water and rest in order to ultimately descend the mountain and head back to the car. I recall the descent down the steep terrain full of rocks and unencumbered views of how high we were and my terror at the thought of falling all the way down the mountain and having to be airlifted out of the woods. I can be klutzy at times and often hurt myself without even doing anything challenging. Because of this, I scooted on my butt down a lot of the steep parts while crying and fearing each move. I remember getting back to the car and being thrilled, proud, and entirely finished all at the same time. My legs and feet were throbbing because, did I mention, I did this in old worn out sneakers because I didn’t want to ruin any new ones. We were supposed to drive home that night but opted to look for a vacant hotel and ended up crashing one more night in NH. Needless to say I showered and passed out practically immediately after.
Fast forward to this year, my fiancé and I have just returned from doing this same hike and I was able to gain so much more out of the experience. I am not really in any better physical shape than when we’d done it 3 years ago but can say with certainty that I am in much better mental and spiritual shape than I’ve ever been in my whole life. While the trail hasn’t changed, it’s still incredibly steep, rocky, and challenging I am proud to say that I have changed. Did this make it easy? No. Did this make my body hurt any less? No. Did it leave me exhausted? Yes, but not nearly as wiped as I was the first time. Did I yearn for the base where we were parked at the end of the trail? Yes. So, what’s changed? The whole experience was so much fuller than it was 3 years ago. I was able to witness the war within my mind as I journeyed through the forest and up the mountain. I was able to counteract the negative self-talk when it conspired to creep in with inspiring words and prayer. I was able to again confirm how important all of the soul work I’ve been doing is. I was able to do the whole hike with a smile on my face and not one tear shed. Did I stop to rest? Yes, of course I did periodically when my body told me it was a bit too much. Did I experience fear at some points? Yes, though I didn’t let it overtake me.
Journeying up the mountain there were times where 3 years ago I let doubt overtake me, in the moments where I began feeling the intense burn and cramping in my legs and butt. This time, I felt the burn, I felt the discomfort, I felt the urge to stop, but quite a few times I kept going spurred on by a little chipmunk who kept coming on the path to “cheer me on.” I kept telling Derek that he was my “spirit animal” there to show me support and tell me I could keep on going at least up to where he decided to plant himself at any point in that journey. Derek laughed at me and told me it probably wasn’t the same one, but I insisted it was. It made me feel comforted and that God was appearing in the form of a chipmunk to champion me on this journey.
It was really insightful, and I’d wished I had a computer or a notebook on the journey with me because I was so inspired as I was climbing. I was applying all of the internal work I was doing in that moment and felt really proud of myself the whole way through. I began to see God’s promises coming to life… God never promises easy, but he does promise to be with you through it and to help you along. I felt though this was not easy, my spirit animal was certainly making appearances at the critical passes in the journey where I started feeling resistance. I was able to see my resistance and to power through it, to open to it… to love myself through it. At times where my body and mind were saying “No,” I gently said, “Ok, I know you are tired and hurting, I understand, but you don’t need to protect me because we can definitely do this. We did it before and we can do it again.”
I also realized, the enormity of the quote that reads, “The only time you should look back is to see the beauty of how far you’ve come.” At one point, during a rather steep and long part of the trail, where the burn was in full effect, I paused and turned around. To my surprise, there was an absolutely amazing view of the clouds and all of the surrounding mountains right behind me. As I took in the view, the people behind me turned around to see. I had realized that I was so focused on what my next move was going to be… which rock I was going to use to propel myself further, that I was completely missing the view around me. It really spoke to me because I realized that this is often what we do in our lives. So often we are focused on the next goal, the next job, the next relationship, that we don’t enjoy our surroundings where we are and we miss the transformational beauty right in front of us.
When have you allowed doubt to make your journey harder than it needed to be? Tell me about a time you missed “the view” while you were focused on a destination. What limiting thoughts/beliefs do you allow to drain your energy? Do you believe they are possible to surmount and overcome?