Truthfulness… how many of us can say that we are 100% honest all of the time? This is what the yama of satya aka truthfulness asks of us. Again, just as with ahimsa, we must first learn how to be honest with ourselves… to look at our current reality and the actions that have led us to it and speak truthfully to ourselves. We must own our story and refuse to play the victim any longer. In addition, we must accept what we really want and refuse to lie to ourselves. This yama requires that we Windex the mirror and take a good hard look into it accepting responsibility for ourselves and our situation, whether that situation be pleasant or unpleasant.
Only once we are honest with ourselves can we take the courageous step of being honest with others. When we can let others into who we are without any masks or pretense, we have the opportunity to experience true intimacy and closeness… allowing others to get close to and experience the true self. This is where we become more grounded in who we are and can stand firmly in our own truth without the fear of being shaken by others opinions or judgments.
You may wonder how the yama of truthfulness interacts with the yama of ahimsa. Aren’t there times when telling the truth would cause harm to another individual? In those cases, maintaining silence is best. Patanjali indicates that even white lies are not acceptable and if being honest will cause trouble, difficulty, or harm to anyone, we can be honest in stating something like, “I would rather not discuss how I feel about that matter.” The yama of truthfulness encourages us to live our lives as an open book, always being willing to speak our truth in whatever moment presents itself, no matter who is listening.
Does this mean that we always have to tell everyone everything? No, it absolutely doesn’t, but it does mean that we can be honest in stating, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with you,” “I’d rather not say.” “I am not going to disclose that information.” However, as you commit to following all of the yogic principles, you’ll find that you won’t be saying these phrases very much because you will be leading an honorable life that you can be proud of. You won’t be conducting deeds in the dark that you are afraid to bring to the light. When we live in this way, our whole life becomes a testament to the practice of yoga and we are more readily able to share of ourselves and shine our light on the path of others. Fear dissipates as we dispel the falsities present in our lives.
“A lie would make no sense unless the truth was felt to be dangerous.
– Carl Jung
It is dangerous to be honest. What if we reveal ourselves and people shudder? What if they don’t like us? What if we show ourselves and learn that we aren’t loved for who we are? What if I am honest with a friend and they become offended then end our friendship? What if I disappoint? What if I’m not enough? This is the real fear in being honest. Assess what rings true for you when considering why you feel you cannot be 100% authentic in how you show up.
Another way into where you are distorting your own self-expression and being dishonest in who you are is where you are “should-ing” on yourself. If you “should” be, why aren’t you? Life wants to express through you, but you must make the choice to allow or give it permission. What dreams are you suppressing in an effort to keep living safely? On the flip side, is what you think you “should” be the truth or is it some distortion that came from somewhere in your past? Why do you feel you “should” be whatever it is you “should” be? Can you be honest with yourself and look deeper into the desires you have to better understand them?
We have a need to belong and a need to expand and grow. Often our need to belong trumps our need to grow putting us out of balance. Yoga is very much about balancing the paradoxes of life and finding our middle ground or center. Instead of stepping outside of our comfort zone and facing life’s push to grow we often cling to safety, which results in stagnation, depression, boredom, and apathy. What was the last goal you pursued out of an honest yearning? What was the last thing you did that honestly excited you and helped you feel more alive?
Speaking of belonging, I remember a therapist I saw quite awhile back early on in my own healing journey telling me that no matter what the interest, there is a group out there for it. In other words, you don’t have to dim your interests and who you are for the sake of belonging, but instead need to be honest with who you are then find your tribe. There are always others out there who you will “fit” with. In other words, always be honest with yourself first and allow your self to express through you. It makes things easier for everyone involved when life is lived in this way.
In an effort to belong, many of us also say “yes” when we really want to say “no.” We do the, “Sure that sounds fun,” when we are really thinking, “I hope they don’t follow through on that because I really don’t feel like going.” We say “Good,” in response to “How are you?” even if we’re really feeling pretty subpar that day. Many of us keep spending and put ourselves in debt because we aren’t honest about what we can really afford. Honesty isn’t just about what we say, but how we live. Are our actions speaking our truth? Are we willing to take the risk required to live from our core and pursue what our heart yearns for?
Don Miguel Ruiz considers this principle in his book “The Four Agreements” when he states, “Be Impeccable With Your Word.” If you say you will do something, follow through. If you do not want to do something, don’t commit. If you say you want something, allow your actions to lead you to it. This whole agreement rests on the yogic principle of satya/truthfulness. I understand that this principle sounds so simple and I am drawn back into my childhood when “Honesty is the best policy,” was consistently taught, but it really isn’t all that simple. As Lauren Hill states, “It could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard.”
Many of these principles are seemingly simplistic and elementary, but there is something in the human psyche that craves complexity over simplicity. We have a major tendency to over-complicate our lives so much so that we often don’t even know who we are. At least that is where I was at in varying points in my own life… having trouble getting feelings to align with thoughts and actions to align with dreams. I know I’m not the only one as I look around and observe humanity… some close to me, others from afar.
When communicating truth, as you see it, to others it must be balanced with love and compassion. I indicate, “as you see it,” because truth is fairly fluid. I’m doubtful that the things you felt were true as a toddler are still true for you now. For instance, I remember as a young child believing that if I hid so that I could not see someone, they could not see me. Looking back I laugh at the idiocy of that realizing that only my eyes and face were hidden. There have been moments in my life when I’ve looked at a person and thought one thing was truth and then later found out how off-base I was. The more we are let into someone else’s world, the more we can see the errors in our own vision.
“What are you not seeing because you are seeing what you are seeing?
- Yogi Achala
Individual truth must be revisited to assess whether it still has weight. Is what you believe to be true still achieving results in your life or have you outgrown it and require updating? It comes down to practicing presence in your life and determining whether your thoughts, words, and actions are serving you in the current situation you find yourself. Are you able to meet life fully every step of the way? Can you adapt as needed and not hold any part of yourself back from the full experience life has to offer? Living life in truthfulness requires courage. Truth pushes us into vulnerability where we may be hurt or we may arise victorious, either way it is worth it!
“”It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
– Theodore Roosevelt, Man in the Arena
Sometimes the best way to gain insight into your truth is to consider tough questions and explore the unknown. I’ve utilized several guides on my own path and would love the honor to serve as one for you. Please contact me if you are interested in personal coaching or yoga sessions.