So many spiritual guides speak of going within to find the truth. What does this really mean? For me it means unraveling the truth from the lies and seeing who we are underneath the falsities. When we go within and start taking the time to truly know ourselves, we start to realize a lot of our prior identity was constructed of scripts. I wrote about this in story form yesterday, but today I want to dig in deeper.
For so long I existed as my thoughts. I thought they were who I was and at that time this was truth.
Before I gave my heart back to the one who made it, I was solely existing as my thoughts. I thought something bad, I was bad. I thought something good, I was good. The good and bad within me battled consistently as though there were a never-ending war going on in my head. The result of war, no one really ever wins. I was losing by a landslide at this point in my life.
As Paul states:
I felt as though I was constantly warring with myself, with what I thought was righteous or the person I wanted to be and the reality of who I was at that time.
When I invited God back into my life to show me a better way, I feel that I gained a third presence that was able to mediate and heal the duality within me. In time, partnering with God, I began to learn to witness the back and forth within my mind. Through yoga, I began to learn to feel the disease and tension in my body that occurred with this warring. Through this witnessing, I developed the ability to detach from my thoughts. Some call this, witnessing your thoughts without judgement. Others call this “presence” or “God-consciousness.” I believe Christians refer to this presence as the “Holy Spirit,” while others call this “Higher Self” or “Adult Self.”
Whatever you want to call this ever-present consciousness, I can’t deny that wasn’t until I invited God back into my life in surrender that I developed this ability. Prior to then, I was my thoughts and they were overwhelming me. Now, as I sit here, I understand that not all thoughts that come into my head are who I am. Much of what comes forth are deposits of debris from what the world taught me early on in life. Just because that was my experience at one point in my life does not make it truth. Because someone felt a certain way about me and thought something of me does not make it truth. The truth of who I am is much larger than any thought could ever be.
That presence that mediates all thought… that is who I am. That non-judgmental presence that sees the thoughts within my head and makes peace between them is who I am. That feeling of energy flowing within my body when I am practicing yoga or raising my hands in worship, that is who I am. The eternal loving presence of consciousness itself is who I am. I am life and life is me.
There was a story I read yesterday that really resonates with me and I want to share it here (originally from www.Awakin.org):
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy, “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”
You might have heard the story end like this: The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
In the Cherokee world, however, the story ends this way:
The old Cherokee simply replied, “If you feed them right, they both win.” and the story goes on:
“You see, if I only choose to feed the white wolf, the black one will be hiding around every corner waiting for me to become distracted or weak and jump to get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and always fighting the white wolf. But if I acknowledge him, he is happy and the white wolf is happy and we all win. For the black wolf has many qualities – tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strong-willed and great strategic thinking – that I have need of at times and that the white wolf lacks. But the white wolf has compassion, caring, strength and the ability to recognize what is in the best interest of all.
You see, son, the white wolf needs the black wolf at his side. To feed only one would starve the other and they will become uncontrollable. To feed and care for both means they will serve you well and do nothing that is not a part of something greater, something good, something of life. Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention. And when there is no battle inside, you can listen to the voices of deeper knowing that will guide you in choosing what is right in every circumstance. Peace, my son, is the Cherokee mission in life. A man or a woman who has peace inside has everything. A man or a woman who is pulled apart by the war inside him or her has nothing.
How you choose to interact with the opposing forces within you will determine your life. Starve one or the other or guide them both.”
Previously, I was trying to starve the black wolf within me, which didn’t work. I would tell myself I wasn’t going to do A, B, C, anymore and then I would be back at it again. When this happened, I would beat myself up some more because I “failed.” I would swear I was going to be loving and kind and then something would anger me and I’d be going off… cursing like a sailor, throwing words around like swords, and trying to cut down the offender more than I felt they’d offended me. It wasn’t until I realized (through the higher presence I spoke of earlier within me) that this wolf within me was simply hungry because I’d failed to feed it with love for so long that I became peaceful and was able to cultivate joy in my life. The black wolf is the hurt parts within your being that just need to be seen, forgiven, and loved so that they can heal.
I challenge you to ask the universe, God, higher consciousness, Jehovah, Allah, whatever name you use to refer to the almighty to give you eyes to see and love to heal then watch the miracles happen. Meditate and watch that witness come to the forefront and start making peace from the war within your head. Witness those thoughts without judgment, reflect on your past, and gain deeper insight into yourself. Find the lies you are telling yourself within your mind, decide not to speak to yourself that way any longer. Acknowledge the black wolf, honor him, slowly grow to love him, then watch his loyalty rise, and the love and joy within you overcome.
Where are you on your spiritual journey? Does this resonate with you? If you are further along in your own spiritual journey, do you feel this rings true for your experience? If you’ve just begun down your own path, I hope this helps you make some sense of some of the spiritual readings you may be embarking on in searching for guidance, answers, and help.