I think I finally understand how to live and it’s a matter of unraveling some of the stuff I’ve carried to this point in pursuit of what God has in store for me. I’d like to compare this process of life to a mummy. Yes, a mummy. Stay with me. We begin life with this innocent spirit full of wonder, dependency, trust, and love. Somewhere along the line, because of our underdeveloped sense of who we are and our inability to cope with some of the difficulties of life that comes with our innocence, we start to hide pieces of ourselves and lose the trusting nature we started with. The thing that triggers us to put that first wrap on to hide a piece of ourselves is different for everyone. For some it’s a cold parent, for others it’s trouble in early school years or failure to live up to societal expectations for one reason or another… literally any # of things cause us to start the process of covering ourselves. We take that first wrap and we say, “I will not experience that again, I’m going to hide that part of me so that it can’t be damaged.”
From there on out, we seem to adopt this mindset of coping by covering. We pretend that certain things don’t bother us, we pretend to be like our peers, we pretend to be perfect, we pretend to have everything together. Wrap after wrap, we cover, we shield, we put on bandage by bandage that we think will protect the areas where we’ve been hurt. We hide the wounds away, we cover up the pieces of us that so desperately need love and healing. A friend moved on to find a new circle of friends… bandage. A close relative died… bandage. A parent abandoned me… bandage. Someone I thought I could trust abused me… bandage, I failed a class at school… bandage, someone insulted me… bandage, the person I loved didn’t love me… bandage. I was told work I cared about wasn’t good enough… bandage. I was told I wasn’t enough… bandage. The cycle continues… until one day we look in the mirror and realize that we don’t even recognize who we are anymore.
We’re standing there and all we see is this mummy staring back at us. This lifeless thing. This person who is full of hurt, hate, sadness, fear, anger, disgust, shame, ugliness, despair, wrong turns, and hopelessness… and we think, “Who is this and how on Earth did I get here?” Some would call this rock bottom… I call it the day of reckoning. A day of reckoning is “a day or time when people will be forced to deal with an unpleasant situation which they have avoided until now.” This is the point where we see what we’ve done. It’s a point we get to where we can see the damage that we’ve done to ourselves, some by decisions we’ve made and some by hiding the unique and wonderful things about us that make us innately who we are. This day is amazingly powerful, because in this we see the choice we have in front of us. We can either continue destroying ourselves or we can look this unfamiliar being in the face and resolve to get back who we are at the very core of our being.
In this moment, I chose to pray. I chose to turn to God and ask for help. I didn’t know how to take the first wrap off. I didn’t know how to get back to someone I could look in the mirror and recognize with joy and love. I knew I needed help! I didn’t understand the reason I had half of the bandages on and I certainly didn’t know where to begin to start taking them off. I cried, cried is putting it nicely… I was more of a sobbing, wailing mess to be exact, but the point is I’m not this mess any longer. In asking for help, I’ve seen some amazing things happen, things I can’t truly explain, but I’m feeling differently, I’m thinking differently, and I’m living differently.
I’m still being unwrapped. There are things I’m sure I haven’t gotten to yet, but I can say that some of the bandages I’ve removed are already leading me to feel lighter, freer, happier, and able to give more of who I really am to this life and the people in it. Perspectives are shifting, matters of importance are changing, responses to circumstances are evolving, and good things are replacing the places where the wounds once were. It’s a process, sometimes painful, but not nearly as painful as I feared.
We can’t beat the enemy if we can’t even see the enemy. We need the vision that only God can provide to see clearly… to see the enemy within ourselves and finally defeat it. We need the light to shine into the dark corners of our mind, body, and soul and uncover the pieces that so desperately need that love and healing. When we’re mummified, we don’t have a place that the light can get in. We need to lean on the spark of light that resides in each of us…. the spark of life that our creator lit when we came to be… in order to see the wound beneath each bandage, heal it, and reveal who we are underneath every single one of the bandages we put on.
In essence, life is a process of putting on an unfamiliar skin and then shedding that skin to be restored to the person we were created to be. It’s a journey for all of us. We all have our own bandages. We all have our own reasons for applying them, but I am certain nobody makes it out of this battle without quite a few bumps, bruises, wounds, and scars. The bad news, sometimes are wounds are so deep and infected, they require surgery. The good thing about all wounds, they heal when treated properly… and we have the most amazing surgeon in the event that they do require more intensive treatment.
The point is… there is hope!
Have you started unwrapping your bandages yet? If so, what was the moment that you realized you were covered in bandages that prevented you from experiencing life fully? How have you allowed your festering wounds to impact your life? Share in the comments if you feel called or send me a private message.